Aleksandra Kubiak

Live, you silly!
movie, 2019

duration: 40 min
directed by: Aleksandra Kubiak
cast: Artur Beling, Elżbieta Lisowska Kopeć, Aleksandra Kubiak, Marta Bednarz, Leo i Paulina Chodynieccy, Daria Kozera-Deciuk, Agnieszka Jacob, Dorota Jakuboszczak, Kasia Kaczmarek, Natalia Ziemnicka-Hubert
cinematography: Krzysztof Gawałkiewicz
film editing: Krzysztof Gawałkiewicz, Aleksandra Kubiak
sound recordings: Michał Markiewicz, Artur Beling, Piotr Spychała
the doll made by: Beata Beling, Artur Beling, Aleksandra KubiakNatalia Koziróg, Maria Kaczmarowska
music by: Piotr Spychała
produced by: CSW Kronika in Bytom, gallery BWA Zielona Góra, Aleksandra Kubiak
sounding: Paweł Uszyński, Kamil Dzyr, FOLIA SOUNDSTUDIO

I've missed you
Even though i never got to know you

The figure of a child recurs throughout the whole film. A child – the doll, the father – a child, she – Ola – a child and her little sister. The child is a passive observer, even when the pathological relations at home, their perversion, are beyond her ability to understand. She either suffers in silence, or tries to deserve any form of attention. In families with the alcohol problem the existence of a child is a continuous fight for attention, a struggle to survive, which results in the inexistence of childhood itself. The parent– child relationship is distorted. An element of parentification creeps in, a certain reversal of roles, their complete mix up. A child looks after their siblings or the disfunctional parents, tidies, cleans, takes care of the household. The parentification can also take an instrumental form – when the child becomes the buffer for family conflicts, or when it adopts the role of the parent's partner, sometimes also a sexual one. This identity imbalance appears then later in adult life. As Kubiak says in the film:

I've become/gone childish
I used to be a judge
today – a child, again,
with the father by my side

Is it possible to make a conscious decision of matherhood after such experiences? This issue reappears within the frames of the film. Having been raised in a disfunctional family does not make the matter easier when it comes to making this decision. Being a child bears / evokes negative connotation.

In recuring frames, the repudiated / supressed feminity, associated with shame and humiliation, starts to grow in strength thanks to a meeting with a group of women: self confident, strong, with kids, shining. Ola can see herself through them.

The film is the third part in the series, preceeded by 'You're a cute one, Sweetie' and 'Elephant's meet', which are autobiogrophical adaptations of Aleksandra Kubiak's memories.

Agata Cukierska

Live, you silly!
movie, 2019

text in preparation